Too much mobile
Category: Jokes
Bar Jokes
- A man walks into a bar.
He said, “Ouch.” - Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
- A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time-traveler walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender yells. “Some kind of joke?” - A ghost walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
- A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a pint and a mop.”
- A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer, please! And one for the road!”
- A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How the hell did you do that?” - A man walks into a bar owned by horses.
The bartender says, “Why the short face?” - A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
- A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Have you been served?” - A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Gin and… Tonic.”
The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?” And the polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.” - Two dragons walk into a bar.
The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”
His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!” - A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel. - A penguin walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “So, what will it be this time?”
The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin. - A horse walks into a bar.
The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”
The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
The last 20 blonde jokes
- What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted! - What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
- Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her! - What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade. - Why was the blondes’ belly button sore?
Because her boyfriend was blonde too. - Why did the blonde put water on her computer?
To wash the Windows. - What do you say to a blonde that won’t come home with you?
“Have another beer.” - What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence. - What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick?
If you lay a brick it doesn’t follow you around for two weeks. - Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew them both. - How do you drown a blonde?
Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool. - How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday. - How do you kill a blonde?
Give her a gun and say it’s a hair drier. - What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training. - A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don’t match, one is red and the other is white.
Her friend sees her out and says, “You know your socks don’t match, right? You’re wearing one red sock and one white sock.”
The blonde responds, “That’s so weird!
I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home.” - How does a horny guy spell relief?
B.L.O.N.D.E. - How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head. - How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
By the chipped tooth. - Whats the differance between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the blonde she keeps on sucking. - What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.